I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
