the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
