I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
