there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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