Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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