Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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