# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize