i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
