theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She's like a pop up book from hell.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
