Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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