this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
