i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
