You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
