A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
