I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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