Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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