Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I stole a fireplace last night.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
