You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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