Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
