tell your sister to shave her snatch
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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