She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
