I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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