If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
