yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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