look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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