No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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