so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
