Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
