last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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