You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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