You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
