Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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