If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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