brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
