i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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