I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize