We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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