just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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