Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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