you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
