OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I could fuck to npr.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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