You surviving the open bar?
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I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize