imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
