So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
A+ Viking dick
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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