The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
