Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
