Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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