Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
