my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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