i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize