I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
