I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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