TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
