I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
4 words: hood of his car
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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