absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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