is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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