none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Randomize
