Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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