Grow some girl-balls and come out already
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
