so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
