If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Randomize
