got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
