She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
i think im in europe. pls send help
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
