drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
