She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
