you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
