Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
