we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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