Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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