currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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