he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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