At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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