Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm getting married
To pizza
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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