I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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