if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I wear drunk well.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
